


Breaking Wind

by almondjoyz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Drabble, Explicit Language, Ficlet, Hogwarts Era, Multi, Second War with Voldemort, The Quidditch Pitch: Golden Trio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-03
Updated: 2008-11-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 11:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10808154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almondjoyz/pseuds/almondjoyz
Summary: The months on the road were stressful enough. Sometimes, you just have to act like you're twelve.





	Breaking Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
> **Author's notes:**
> 
> This story has been swimming around in my brain ever since I was on the phone with [](http://lunalovepotter.livejournal.com/profile)[**lunalovepotter**](http://lunalovepotter.livejournal.com/) and [](http://kentish-queen.livejournal.com/profile)[**kentish_queen**](http://kentish-queen.livejournal.com/) since KQ doesn't like the word 'fart.' So ladies, this one's for you!
> 
> Special thanks to [](http://the-vixxmeister.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://the-vixxmeister.livejournal.com/)**the_vixxmeister** for the qwuick beta!! 

"Damn it, Ron, cut it out!" Harry screamed as he held the pillow over his face.

"I can't help it. It's…it's the beans." 'Ron tried to hide the giggle behind his lips but was finding it more and more difficult.

Without him knowing, Ron let another one rip and lost his composure, barking out a laugh.

"UGH!" Harry whined again. "Isn't there a spell for gas?" His voice was muffled from the pillow. Even though he couldn't smell it, the sound was enough to gross him out.

"Dunno…" Ron laughed. "Maybe Hermione knows. Hermione!"

"Hermione get in here!"

"Oh this is gonna be good. I bet she's never farted in her life." Ron began shaking with laughter. Harry joined in, picturing Hermione's face contorted as she valiantly tried to restrain eighteen years of farts.

She ran into the room of the tent, her face anxious and frightened. At the foot of the bed, she skidded to a halt, pulling a face and looking as if she were going to vomit. Her thumb and index finger pinched her nose.

"What—what _is_ that?" she groaned.

The only response she got was laughter from her two friends, which was beginning to border on hysterics. Ron was laughing boisterously while Harry laughed a high-pitched giggle that reminded her of a little girl's laugh.

"Did something die in here?"

Her question caused a new round of guffaws.

"The—the beans, Hermione…he ate all those beans!" Harry spat out between laughs. 

Ron added a new sound to his laugh, that of a high-pitched wheeze.

"They're breaking free!"

Another explosion erupted from Ron's vicinity.

"Ronald!" She took a pillow from the bunk and threw it at him. "That's so juvenile!"

"It's a natural process. I'm sure you're aware of the technicalities." Ron took a deep breath as he looked at Harry, who was calmed down considerably. "It builds up and builds up until it just lets out with a bit of force, you know?"

"Yes, the expulsion of excess methane gas is a natural occurrence in the lower bowels. In fact, most of the greenhouse gases come from cattle."

"Cow chuffs? The icebergs are melting because of cow chuffs?" Harry broke into a new round of laughter and clutched his stomach. 

Hermione rolled her eyes. "In some respects, yes. Can't you…hold it in?"

The image returned to Harry's mind and he rolled over, pounding a fist into his pillow.

"Not when it's this bad," Ron answered, trying to calm himself down. 

"I told you not to eat all those beans," she pointed out. "It can be bad for you."

"Bad for _you_? Hermione, you haven't been in here the last half hour, hearing him blow off and then have it waft on over." He rolled onto his back. "I should really get some fresh air. I think I'm being poisoned. Maybe Voldemort should just gas me out."

"That's not funny, Harry!" Hermione whined as she threw a pillow at Harry this time. "Don't you dare say things like that!"

"Hermione, I have to keep my sense of humour about me otherwise I'd really go insane," he pointed out.

"He's got a point there," Ron defended. "Give him a break."

Hermione huffed while Harry applauded.

"Just—just don't scare me like that again."

"As you wish," Ron said, causing Hermione to blush.

”I—I'll just go finish my watch," she answered softly, turning around and leaving the room.

"Stop staring at her ass," Harry reprimanded with a smirk when she'd gone.

"Fucker!" Ron squeezed his eyes and, with great concentration, let loose with another fart that threatened to topple the tent. "Take that! It's the Weasley version of _Avada Kedavra_


End file.
